A Word About Braverism

I think Sydney is so brave. I tell her that all the time. She is my brave, bold girl.

I do know that she is scared of loud noises. And small spaces. And doesn't like conflict, even among cartoon characters. She is frightened by thunder and lightening, which is of course a loud noise. Last summer, she stayed on the steps at the big pool because she didn't like going into the water. Because she was afraid.

I see these things. I know that she has fears. But I refuse to call her a coward, or a scaredy-cat, or even use the word fearful when describing her.

I know there is a thin line between building up your children and ignoring their weaknesses. I do think about her, in therapy, lying on that couch, telling the shrink, "and my parents never let me be afraid."

But we do let her be afraid. We just don't say the words.

I see too many children giving into the labels that adults put on them and I won't give her a label based on age-appropriate development. Toddlers have fears. They are fearful little people. They are supposed to be fearful. It's what let's them live to be children and then adults. She should be afraid of loud noises and water. The dark and strangers should be pretty scary, too.

The thing that makes me believe in my brave, bold girl is this:

On our trip to Galveston, she was terrified of the ocean. Whole body shaking terrified. She didn't even like for Jeremy and Jack to go in. "That's my dad and my brother. I love them! I don't want them to go there!"

The ocean should be scary to a toddler who can't swim. She's smart to be scared.

We tried walking her out. I even carried her to show her I could hold her and she would be safe.

But really, I can't guarantee that. The right wave at the right moment could knock us both over, and bad things can happen in the sea.

She's smart, not cowardly. And Jeremy and I told her so.

Then, at Schlitterbaun, we tried the lazy river with her in a regular inner tube, with me holding on to her. She was miserable the entire time. She was scared and felt that she was going to fall into the river and wanted out.

So we got out. She tried it. She didn't like it. We were done.

I took Jack for another round in the river and found out that they have inner tubes with a bottom in them. Jack loved riding the river in his. I showed it to Sydney and Jeremy asked her if she would be willing to try another go.

She did. She got into that inner tube and rode the river again. And again.

After getting out and walking back to the beginning twice (to avoid the last section which has waves), Jeremy asked her if she would be willing to try the wave section. She said she would.

She rode the waves and loved it.

So Jeremy and I explain to her that doing what she did, trying the river a second time after it scared her the first time is what makes her so very brave.

I don't care that my daughter has fears. Everyone has fears. I care that she not think of herself as a fearful person.

She is my brave, bold girl.