Courage of Conviction

I do understand that every family has its own philosophies and that some of mine are in direct conflict with other peoples'.

I guess I just hadn't been a parent long enough to come into serious disagreement with someone over those differences.

Today at church, I was handed that opportunity. Jeremy and I believe that church is a place for families and that includes small children. I have always taken Sydney out when she was crying or, as she got older, was disobedient. Sydney has learned to speak only in a whisper and only occasionally. She does sometimes forget and makes too much noise, but overall she is quiet in church. She plays with her puzzles and magna doodles and yes, sometimes you can hear the noise of a puzzle piece clattering to the wooden floor, or the sound of a magna doodle pen clinking against the side of the screen. And yes, she is a toddler, and sometimes, no matter how much she knows she's not supposed to, she just does something she shouldn't, like saying a loud "no" to me when I try to help her stand for a hymn, for example.

Various people at church have commented to me that they are impressed by how quiet and well behaved she is and many of the older folks at our service (we go to the early service) have told me how nice it is to have a little one around.

Well, you know the saying, "you can't please all the people all the time" right?

This morning, as we tried sitting in a different spot (one closer to the narthex, in case Jack started crying and I needed a quick escape), and Sydney did speak too loudly once, one woman was particularly annoyed and before the opening anthem was over, had rudely shushed Sydney. We immediately moved back to our usual spot, lest this woman feel the need to continue shushing Sydney.

After the service (and mostly because the sermon was about people being welcoming of others in the church and not "locking" others out of church with their actions), I went to speak with the woman. I wanted to apologize that Sydney had spoken too loudly that one time and explain why we had tried changing spots and assure the woman that we would sit in our expected spot from then on.

Instead of simply accepting my apology, the woman told me in no uncertain terms that I "had no idea what a distraction that child was" and she "didn't know why [I] brought her to church."

I've never had my child be "that child" before and it was heartbreaking. All I could think to do (because I really wasn't looking to fight with the woman in church) was tell her that I would "take that under consideration."

I am now sitting around feeling sorry. Not that this woman was rude and not that I take Sydney to church, but sorry that I lacked courage in my conviction and didn't tell that woman that my daughter has every right to be in worship and that although she was noisy at times, that she is learning to behave, and more importantly, she is learning to love being in church and will, from there, I hope, learn to love God and love worshiping Him.

Although I think it's unfortunate that this woman's worship is interrupted in some way by my daughter, I am certain that no Sydney noises can be heard from the front of the church (we sit in the second from back pew) and this woman chooses to sit across from us week after week (and we have been in attendance, sitting in the same space for almost six months). That alone tells me that she is looking for something to be disagreeable about and takes a certain joy in having found it.

So, there you go. My first run in with those who disagree with my parenting strategy. I can't say I love how I handled it, but I am pleased that I chose too nice over saying something spiteful. And since I am sure someone else someday will disapprove of something else I do, I will use this as a reminder to strive next time for standing up for myself and my daughter in a firm, but kind way.