Apparently, the time is now.
Somehow, despite my best efforts, Sydney recognizes the princesses on sight, knows what clothes they wear and that they are called "princesses." She started asking for the toys a while back and the other day when she was telling someone that in a picture of Snow White in a gold ball gown that Snow White was not supposed to wear that dress; Belle wears that dress, I knew something had to give.
In the past week or so, I have been really thinking about my aversion to the princesses and trying to decide how to introduce them to Sydney.
I know at the heart of it, I don't like the damsel in distress. It's why I was so very happy when Jenny Ford gave Sydney a t-shirt that said, "Self Rescuing Princess." It's what I want for her. I don't want her to be waiting for anyone, a man, her parents, anyone, to solve all of her problems in life. I have also decided that the word "princess" is becoming almost meaningless. Disney assigns the word to Belle, Snow White, Cinderella, and Sleeping Beauty in addition to their other female leads. Belle is an inventor's daughter, although I guess she does marry a prince in the end. Cinderella is a scullery maid turned princess through marriage and only Sleeping Beauty and Snow White are the daughters of kings. Other Disney leads like Mulan and Pocahontas aren't princesses by any stretch although I have seen them marketed with the others.
So what is a princess? I like to think of Frances Hodgson Burnett's book The Little Princess in which the daughter of a wealthy British army officer becomes penniless when her father dies and imagines that she is a princess and uses that idea to treat others with kindness and generosity even when she is at her lowest point. I can get behind that kind of princess. I have also heard the idea that all women are princesses if you believe that our Heavenly Father is the King of Kings. I can get behind that, too.
What I cannot abide is the idea of having to wait to be rescued, of being valued only for physical beauty, of little girls modeling themselves after cartoonish versions of feminine perfection. I don't like the idea of filling little girl's heads with stories of romance when they are just starting to understand interpersonal relationships.
I want Sydney to be strong and confident; self-sufficient and smart. Can a princess be those things? I think they can. But I'm not sure that's the message in a lot of the so-called "princess" movies.
So I decided to start with Beauty and the Beast. Belle is smart, kind, and brave. She goes into the dark forest to find her father, offers to stay in his place, stands up the bully in the beast, and in the end, helps to rescue the Beast not only from his own inner trials, but from the angry mob as well.
I may add others as Sydney asks for them. The next two that have caught her eye are Snow White and Cinderella. They are both kind and although Snow White does require the kiss of the prince, she helps the dwarves out, so she's not completely useless and I actually like Cinderella. Also, they are both truly classic tales.The ones I like least are Sleeping Beauty (what does she do other than touch the spindle and wait for her prince) and Ariel. Actually, I like Ariel. The Little Mermaid is one of my favorites. I just think she's a terrible role model, what with the trading her voice, her most important trait, for a pair of legs to please a man and having to use only her physical beauty to attract him and also I think Ariel and her prince are drawn a little young, making them seem more like children themselves in contrast to the classics (Snow White, Cinderella) who are obviously adult.
I know that in a lot of ways, I could be over thinking all of this and I may be. But I feel the responsibility of helping Sydney to define herself as a girl and in that, defining what it means to be a girl and I take that very seriously. I remember being sorry that I was a girl as a kid because boys were so obviously better and I never want either of my children to be sorry for the gender God gave them. I don't want to take "girl power" to some crazy feminist extreme; I just want Sydney to feel good in her own skin and be proud of who she is, emotionally, spiritually, and physically.
So I feel the need to give her the right role models. Because not all girls can be the daughters of kings, waited on hand and foot, married to perfect handsome rich men. But all girls can think of themselves as something better than perhaps they are and strive to reach that vision. All girls can be kind and caring. All girls can demand to be valued for the content of their hearts over the prettiness of their face. So if that's what being a princess is, then Sydney is welcome to be one.
That being said, if she would rather not, then that's fine, too.
But I will insist on this: if she does want to be a princess, she had better be one more like Belle and a lot less like Sleeping Beauty.
I think the Aladdin princess is pretty good too, not that I remember what her name is. She goes out of her way to not be a typical princess - dressing a commoner to get out of the castle; rejecting the haughty princes.
ReplyDeleteBelle is my favorite though too, and by far the best of the Disney "princess"s, many of whom it is a stretch to call them a princess.
Thanks for addressing this topic. I am also uncomfortable with the Disney princess subculture. I have decided to explore some of what it means to be girlu tins month, but the road I'm taking made me feel a bit awkward reading this post, since you have addressed similar concerns better. I hope that my silly challenge will spur some conversation and some thinking, though.
ReplyDeleteGirly this. WTJackalope, autocorrect?
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting this. It's so hard to put into words the frustrations I have with the Disney characters and I think you did a great job of this! Dave and I have talked about putting together our own book of Women We Admire. I know it'll pale in comparison to Disney's marketing genius, but perhaps it'll help her to see the characteristics we value.
ReplyDeletep.s. I LOVE the shirt!
ReplyDeleteDebraLynn -- Jasmin is a good choice; I just can't abide the lecherousness of Jafar just yet. We went and saw the play and even in the play, I was put off by it, and there's no getting past the idea that Aladdin is a thief at the beginning. So all of those put her lower on the list than Cinderella, although she is a better role model, but keep her much higher than the aforementioned Ariel and Sleeping Beauty.
ReplyDeleteSummer - I love your challenge! And yes, it is the same thought (and *if* I have expressed it better, remind yourself of who had more sleep last night and know that this post was an hour or more of writing, revising and editing and if you had that hour, you better have done something important, like showering!)
Rachel - I found that watching the movie WITH Sydney was very helpful as it enabled Jeremy and me to highlight the parts we thought were important, like her braverism.
Rebecca - I totally understand, as a woman, your dislike of the "damsel in distress" routine so often found in literature and movies. I agree that it often casts women as incompetent, helpless, and weak. If I were the mother of a daughter, I would certainly make every effort to discount that world-view before it took root in my daughter.
ReplyDeleteHaving said that, and at the risk of attack from feminists everywhere, I see another side to the whole "man has to rescue woman" thing that you're talking about. I often thought of what I would teach my daughter, when I had one. As luck would have it, I gave birth to a son instead. So I've had to think about what I need to teach my son. And strangely enough, I've come to realize that I think society in general does a great disservice to our boys. We don't teach them how to be good men.
I think we all agree with you about what makes a good woman. I think a good man needs to know what to look for in a woman - all those qualities you listed (her insides before her outsides, capable, competent, brave, etc.). But he also needs to be taught how to treat this good woman when he finds her. And being a little heroic for a good woman that you love...well, is that a bad thing?
I look at the week my son was born, and all that we went through. I seriously doubt we would have gotten through it as intact as we did without my husband being my rock, my shoulder, my Knight in Shining Armor. 99% of the time, I'm strong, capable, far more organized and on the ball than he is, but when given the situation and opportunity, he turned into a bona fide Hero. I love my husband very much because most of the time, he assumes I'm smart enough, bright enough, capable enough, strong enough, brave enough...enough enough. But I fell in love with him even more than I already was, then - because in that week, when I simply couldn't rescue myself, he rescued me.
So I agree with everyone's sentiments about teaching our girls (and our boys) that women are not wimpy, weak, incapable, incompetent beings...but I think we should all be aware that we can go too far in those teachings and eliminate the know-how and desire in our sons to be the hero, the devoted man, the Knight in Shining Armor who will ride in to rescue his Love - on the rare occasion she needs it.
(I'm trying to agree with you but push for balance, but with my newborn in the house mommy brain, I may not have made my point very well. Hope you get what I'm trying to say! Oh, and btw, reading your posts makes me *gasp* miss high school - or at least the conversations we had every day back then. I love the way you think and the way you express those thoughts.)
Interesting counter-points, Carrie. I can't decide if I agree or not, but I do miss the days of "arguing" with you and getting that different way of thinking of things, especially since more than being an opposing opinion, yours is usually parallel to mine, similar, but on its own track, which is even more challenging some times.
ReplyDelete